last week i lost three pounds.

this week, ugh.

finals need to be over and i need money for real food again. my house has nothing in it and i have no money to fill it. i was stuck this week with whatever someone else had for me and i wasn't going to complain.

i HATE being poor.

that is not the point.

i've been super lethargic this week. my body is just tired. ... i am writing this blog at 11:30... ::shifty eyes::

i know my iron is low. i know that taking a pill is NOT the best way to boost it up and i need some SPINACH. because i know i have low iron problems, i am going to challenge myself to eat a bag of spinach a week. y.u.m. and i'm not even being sarcastic. i LOVE spinach.

i took some pictures of myself today. i'm thinking i may take them once a week so i can see the progress in a picture.

I hate the phrase nothing tastes as good as skinny feels and i've ALWAYS hated it.

always.

but more and more, after i eat those "naughty" foods, i feel awesome during, and not so hot after.

i know i like sweets and i feel like i haven't been able to address it with a healthy option... no money... no food... ect ect ect.

next week will be better.

next week is finals.

the week after is christmas.

if i can lose lbs after thanksgiving, i can lose it after this whole mess of holiday/finals stress.

i felt so stinking proud when i saw the scale.

i want that every week.

i have been feeling fantastic this week! I've done quite well this week and the beginning of last week. There was Thanksgiving, but i honestly CANT beat myself up for loving that holiday.

I'm pretty excited about how i've been doing this week. Monday and today i worked out like a BOSS! I did my plan of a 60 min cardio and a little Yoga. ALSO! on tuesday, i told myself i wasn't going to get fast food, and I DIDN'T! go me, right? I've had to switch weights to thursday but it looks like i won't make it this week. i'll have to do some at home.

i just need to keep the faith. I recently saw that It takes 4 weeks for you to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends to notice and 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice. Give it 12 weeks.

I'm going to make myself proud.

My Plan Revamp

Well, I've kind of failed at my last attempt. But i didn't gain any weight. Does that count as a success?

I was lucky enough to upgrade my membership at my gym and am now able to go six days a week. Well, more like five, but now i have a plan to use my membership.

Here is my plan:

Monday: Cardio
20 min Bike

20 min elliptical

20 min jog

Tuesday: Upper Body

Wednesday: Cardio

Thursday: Yoga at Home
This, and Sunday, are the only days I can't go to the gym.

Friday: Cardio

I would really like to Sprint Train on these days. I'd love to start training for a 10k or plus. I've heard really great things about adding sprint training to build endurance

More good news. I have a TERRIBLE time getting out of bed in the morning. Anyone who knows me knows i do. That is one huge thing i had to get a handle on. I'm twenty three for goodness sake. I can learn how to get out of bed. I am proud to say that Wednesday and Friday i got up on my FIRST alarm. I'm seriously proud of myself. You have no idea. I'm now using my workout as a motivation to get out of bed in the morning.

I feel like i'm getting off on a really great foot...

UNTIL...

Food creeps into the picture.

I think i may be addicted to sugar. I'm going to try a refined sugar fast. For at least a week. I think I'll feel better afterwards.

Also! I'm going to start planning my lunches. I have a habit of just grabbing what i can find the pantry/fridge and it's becoming unhealthy. I think if i start planning my lunches, i can avoid that.I'm still keeping my dinners for me but adding more protein/veggie less carbs . Now the hardest part for me is night time. i know a lot of people have this problem. Here is my solution. I LOVE popcorn. Seriously love it with all my stinking heart. So, what am i going to do about it? I'm going to let myself have it. I have these 100 cal bags that are going to be my splurge. That being said. I have to really watch my snacking during the day. I typically do really well, but some days i get the munchies, you know?

Anyway. That is my plan. I feel like hopeful. Jared really supportive and so awesome about helping me do this.

Now, after i lose my weight, it's my turn to get HIS butt in shape.

I'm doing ok.

I've been doing OK this week. I've exercised pretty much everyday and today i feel excellent. i did have fast food yesterday. Probably not a good idea. But i'm feeling ok today. not guilty and self loathing.

I did up my work out as well. I am not sore enough. i think i need to switch it up.

bad day.

So i totally lost it yesterday. for some reason i had no "off" button. i was insatiably hungry. i could not get enough to eat. so... i ate so much, i threw up.

what the hell, emily?

I'm more that a little ashamed. So today is a serious recover day. I'm about to go off for a run and I've been really good this morning.

I am not doing so well.

I think it had to do with my terrible few days.

Monday i found out i was losing my job...

I was by myself alllll ddddaaayyyy tuesday (hence my secret binge)

A few of my friends are ignoring me. Completely.

I don't see Jared during the week anymore...

It's been rough.

I'm not doing well with my personal challenge...

Day Two: Hard.

Well, first of all, so much for self control. My husband and I stayed up until three this morning just spending time together. Stupid. But so worth it. I haven't seen him all week but let me tell you, Joel's wake up call came waaaaay to early.

So how did my day go?

Not too well. I was going great until we were invited to a football party. I need advice on that one. How do you say no to apples and dip!!??!! I have yet to learn.

I need to remember how i feel after i indulge. how i feel after should be more important than before. i understand why people use rubber bands around their wrists and strings on their fingers. I'm considering a sign on my fridge.

What did i learn today?

Consider how you feel at the end of the day instead of how you feel now.

Day One: How I Feel

Lately I've been telling myself,

"Tomorrow I'll start doing this. Tomorrow, I'll lose this baby weight."

Tomorrow never has REALLY come. I've done really well with exercise, but not diet. Or I've done really done well with diet and not exercise.

Hopefully, this is my new journal on my journey to a better me.

So, who am I?

My name is Emily. I'm 23 years old, I'm married to the most spectacular man, Jared, and I have two children, Joel and Evie. After I graduated high school, I put on a few, not many, pounds and soon there after got married. Quite soon after that, I was pregnant with my baby boy. I gained forty pounds at delivery. Forty. Pounds. After birth I lost about half that and was stuck with the remainder. I then, a year later, was pregnant again. I only gained about 10lbs total with that pregnancy, but somehow held onto it. Now my son is 3 and my daughter will be one shortly. That means we're starting to think about having another baby. Great. What will I do now? I'm at least thirty pounds over weight and I'm averaging fifteen pounds a baby. That means I'll be almost fifty pounds overweight if this trend keeps going. Fifty pounds is about the size of a second grader.

insert scream--->HERE

I love running. I love the feeling of doing something hard and something that most people are not willing to do! But because of my weight, I keep hurting my leg. Now this is threatening to ruin my favorite form of exercise.

So there is the dilemma, what is the plan?

To be honest, I'm not completely sure. This is where I'll find out.

I know I will not go on some fad diet. I know I will not do a crash diet. Only accountable eating. You know, more veggies, less refined sugars and white flour.

And, you know, consistent exercise. Ideally, every day.

I guess I'll start out by setting my goals.

#1: Lose Ten Pounds

This is my number one goal because it's my halfway point. If I can get half way, I can go all the way.

#2: Run a Half Marathon.

Did you know that a Half Marathon is 13.1 miles? Yeah. I want to do that. I hear it's the perfect amount to train for. Not too long. Totally do able. But not at my current weight. I can run a 5k just fine. I've got to look at something bigger.

#3: Drink More Water

I have a friend who was challenged to drink a gallon a day. I'm there.

#4: Self Control

Whether it's getting out of bed in the morning or saying, "NO!" to the Twix staring me in the face, I have such little self control. I would really like this to be a place to record my failures and achievements.

#5: Lose an Additional Ten to Fifteen Pounds.

Finish the journey.

How would I like to look?

My dream is to be a size ten again. That's two dress sizes. Perfect. For me, at least.

How would I like to feel?

Accomplished. Desirable. A good role model for my children, especially my daughter.

I'm given one body. I'm given one chance t take care of me. This is my only time as working a full time job, raising two wonderful children, maintaining a house for my family, being a wife and support to my love, to do something for just me. How wonderful that I get to take time out of my day to do something for just me.

No, it doesn't start tomorrow. It starts today.