bad day.

So i totally lost it yesterday. for some reason i had no "off" button. i was insatiably hungry. i could not get enough to eat. so... i ate so much, i threw up.

what the hell, emily?

I'm more that a little ashamed. So today is a serious recover day. I'm about to go off for a run and I've been really good this morning.

I am not doing so well.

I think it had to do with my terrible few days.

Monday i found out i was losing my job...

I was by myself alllll ddddaaayyyy tuesday (hence my secret binge)

A few of my friends are ignoring me. Completely.

I don't see Jared during the week anymore...

It's been rough.

I'm not doing well with my personal challenge...

Day Two: Hard.

Well, first of all, so much for self control. My husband and I stayed up until three this morning just spending time together. Stupid. But so worth it. I haven't seen him all week but let me tell you, Joel's wake up call came waaaaay to early.

So how did my day go?

Not too well. I was going great until we were invited to a football party. I need advice on that one. How do you say no to apples and dip!!??!! I have yet to learn.

I need to remember how i feel after i indulge. how i feel after should be more important than before. i understand why people use rubber bands around their wrists and strings on their fingers. I'm considering a sign on my fridge.

What did i learn today?

Consider how you feel at the end of the day instead of how you feel now.

Day One: How I Feel

Lately I've been telling myself,

"Tomorrow I'll start doing this. Tomorrow, I'll lose this baby weight."

Tomorrow never has REALLY come. I've done really well with exercise, but not diet. Or I've done really done well with diet and not exercise.

Hopefully, this is my new journal on my journey to a better me.

So, who am I?

My name is Emily. I'm 23 years old, I'm married to the most spectacular man, Jared, and I have two children, Joel and Evie. After I graduated high school, I put on a few, not many, pounds and soon there after got married. Quite soon after that, I was pregnant with my baby boy. I gained forty pounds at delivery. Forty. Pounds. After birth I lost about half that and was stuck with the remainder. I then, a year later, was pregnant again. I only gained about 10lbs total with that pregnancy, but somehow held onto it. Now my son is 3 and my daughter will be one shortly. That means we're starting to think about having another baby. Great. What will I do now? I'm at least thirty pounds over weight and I'm averaging fifteen pounds a baby. That means I'll be almost fifty pounds overweight if this trend keeps going. Fifty pounds is about the size of a second grader.

insert scream--->HERE

I love running. I love the feeling of doing something hard and something that most people are not willing to do! But because of my weight, I keep hurting my leg. Now this is threatening to ruin my favorite form of exercise.

So there is the dilemma, what is the plan?

To be honest, I'm not completely sure. This is where I'll find out.

I know I will not go on some fad diet. I know I will not do a crash diet. Only accountable eating. You know, more veggies, less refined sugars and white flour.

And, you know, consistent exercise. Ideally, every day.

I guess I'll start out by setting my goals.

#1: Lose Ten Pounds

This is my number one goal because it's my halfway point. If I can get half way, I can go all the way.

#2: Run a Half Marathon.

Did you know that a Half Marathon is 13.1 miles? Yeah. I want to do that. I hear it's the perfect amount to train for. Not too long. Totally do able. But not at my current weight. I can run a 5k just fine. I've got to look at something bigger.

#3: Drink More Water

I have a friend who was challenged to drink a gallon a day. I'm there.

#4: Self Control

Whether it's getting out of bed in the morning or saying, "NO!" to the Twix staring me in the face, I have such little self control. I would really like this to be a place to record my failures and achievements.

#5: Lose an Additional Ten to Fifteen Pounds.

Finish the journey.

How would I like to look?

My dream is to be a size ten again. That's two dress sizes. Perfect. For me, at least.

How would I like to feel?

Accomplished. Desirable. A good role model for my children, especially my daughter.

I'm given one body. I'm given one chance t take care of me. This is my only time as working a full time job, raising two wonderful children, maintaining a house for my family, being a wife and support to my love, to do something for just me. How wonderful that I get to take time out of my day to do something for just me.

No, it doesn't start tomorrow. It starts today.